PROLOGUE
She was my first love. Flaxen-hair, sea-blue eyes, a smile that made strong men weak. Although she was younger than I, she had walked a hundred miles before I had even taken my first step. She would let me get close, but couldn't help but push me away. Passing by in the hallway, a brief brushing of hands was cause for heart palpitations. A quick glance from across the room was enough to let the air out of my lungs. A silver forked tongue that tasted like strawberries.CURRENT DAY
How does one let the past go, when the past is seemingly all they have? Does it take a masochistic individual to relive their past failures so much that all the current events have no place in an idyllic setting? Perhaps. I know that I am too close to the fire to see that my flesh is burning.I don't like to throw pity parties. I tend to make too much food and no one ever shows up. And then I put on "My Special Day at Pathetictown" hat, blow into a paper noise maker and then wonder what to do with all this dip. A friend recently set me straight about the way I've been acting. I've been a fool to not see that maybe she was not the one pushing away. I have allowed my faults to overshadow my desire for happiness.
REFLECTION
She has moved on with her life. The man she said she would marry next was let go and someone more suitable to her tastes took his place. This is not a bad thing. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. If I may be allowed to quote from L.A. Love Story, "There is someone out there for everybody. Even if you need a compass, a pickaxe and night goggles to find them." The phoenix can't be reborn in one day, the natural instincts that have led it down it's path have gravitas and will take a while to remap.
The sun sets. The sun rises. Equivalent exchange.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott's quote comes to mind reading your beautiful, and honest post here, kind sir. The feelings she stirred in you were fantasized and romanced, unfortunately at the expense of your heart. But look! THIS is the beauty of the mind - and our subconcious, going to work for us all. Albeit unaware, something in you was preparing YOU (cognizant YOU) for this realization - and becoming self aware - in an effort to grow and become more than you've ever been. And call ME a romantic, but to prepare you to be the partner SHE will need you to be as her rock and soul one fine day. Now go find that pickaxe and night goggles....she's waiting. :)
ReplyDeletegood job.